Heather Kirk-Davidoff - More Than Rules: Five Ways to Really Choose Civility

I live and work in Howard County where over the past year there has been an outbreak of bumper stickers urging everyone to “Choose Civility in Howard County”. Trace these bumper stickers back to their origin and you’ll arrive in Baltimore, in the over-stuffed office of Professor P.M. Forni, founder and director of The Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins and author of the book “Choosing Civility: 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct.” Professor Forni’s book has been purchased in bulk by the Howard County Library and by the Howard County Public School system. Book groups, study guides and now a “Civility Wiki” continue to promote Professor Forni’s 25 rules as the law of the land in my county.

This campaign drives me crazy and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. A series of counter-bumper stickers has now emerged, urging people to “Lose Civility”, “Choose Senility”, “Choose Hostility” and of course “Choose FNORD Civility”. It’s not that I’m against showing respect and acting kindly towards other people, but I think that a list of 25 rules (each with many sub-rules) is a counter-productive approach. Once we define the rules that should govern our public life we define everyone who does not follow–or know–these rules as violators. I can look at them and judge them with impunity. What really does help us make room for each other, appreciate each other and live together in peace? I want to suggest five concrete ways to build civil community–and none of them have to do with manners.
Heather Kirk-Davidoff is the Pastor of the Kittamaqundi Community in Columbia, Maryland and a blogger at www.kcchurch.typepad.com.